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(In Which We Cover Covers)

The Seven Stooges - “I Wanna Be Your Dog”

Despite its name, Rhino Records’ classic 1983 compilation The Rhino Brothers Present the World’s Worst Records has several excellent tracks on it. This is not one of them. While many of the songs the record contains are quite good—such as Barnes & Barnes’s infectious novelty song “Boogie Woogie Amputee" and Jimmy Cross’s "I Want My Baby Back,” a brilliant send-up of teenage tragedy songs—it definitely has some that live up to their dubious billing.

According to the liner notes, the recording above attempts to replicate what a Three Stooges / The Stooges supergroup would sound like. Obviously that supergroup never even came close to existing, both because Curly Howard died 15 years before Iggy and the band got together, and because that sounds like the worst idea in the world. The Seven Stooges version of “I Wanna Be Your Dog” serves as staunch confirmation of the latter reason.

It sounds like a joke that the Office Funny Guy came up with one Friday that somehow got committed to tape. It’s a straightforward cover of the song instrumentally (incidentally, how great is that single piano note that John Cale added to the song?), but with a couple of guys doing a passive imitation of Moe and Curly singing the vocals. Larry might be in there too, but I can’t pick him out of the crowd. 

Then, at the end, for no reason whatsoever, there’s a guitar solo version of “Three Blind Mice.” 

It’s a pointless, toothless little cover of one of the most visceral (and influential) songs in the history of popular music. While it might be difficult to dub any piece of music one of the worst recordings in history, I’m not too upset at the nomination of this one.